Nov 30 2008
more marriage talk
so he is still gone. He says over and over how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me…but he’s not ready to get engaged to me. I even compromised and said I will have a long engagement. Its not good enough. He tells me I am giving him an ultimatum…well i kinda am. Either you propose to me, or you take your time, get ready and when you are ready you call me and hope i am available. He doesn’t like that option either. I really dont know what else to do. The only thing he is telling me is that he’s not ready and i have to wait for him…indefinately? I said this is like me being a red crayon. The child wants to color with the red crayon, but not yet. “When do you want the red crayon?” asks the teacher. “I dont know” says the child. “Not now…but I know I want it”. “Well why don’t you justtake it now if you want it?” says the teacher. “becuase I dont want it now, but I do want it” says the child. So the child wants the red crayon..but not now. But until he does want it, he wants it to sit on the shelf and NO OTHER kids can use it.
That is not fair. This is now all about fairness.
I’m sorry to hear about the difficult time you’re having right now in your relationship *hugs*
There are a couple of things you need to keep in mind about ultimatums: They rarely go the way you want them to and if they don’t (as is often the case) you need to be prepared to carry out the consequences. If you don’t, you’ll have a hard time getting people to take you seriously in the future.
About the only thing you can do right now is to walk away, which is what you said you would do if he didn’t get engaged to you. To offer compromises lets him know you weren’t serious to begin with. By your actions, you’re saying that it’s okay with you if the two of you don’t get married. If that isn’t the case, then your actions need to back up your words.
If you really don’t want to leave him, then you should remember in the future that you shouldn’t make an ultimatum if you aren’t prepared to accept all of the possible outcomes.
I sincerely hope and pray that things work out for the best between the two of you. *hugs more!*
The way I see it…if he doesn’t want to marry me then I have my answer and I am prepared for the conesquence of this relationship ending. If he doesn’t truely love me like I love him (on the same level) then why would I want to be with a man who doesn’t feel the same as me??