Nov 29 2008
Marriage or not?
so I had a huge fight with my boyfriend. I want to get engaged, he says hes ‘not ready’. He tells me he doesnt know WHEN he will be ready and he is doing nothing to prepare for it (ie. reading, talking to someone)…..so I am supposed to just sit around and WAIT for him to be ready? And hope that he becomes ready sometime soon??? No way. He wants me to continue to act like his wife, yet I get no reward like a diamond ring to tell the world that this man plans to marry me. No, instead i have to sit around and act like a married couple, yet still be single but NOT allowed to date others. What planet is he from?? He told me he would DIE for me. He tells me he does want to get married and have kids…just not now. How could you say all this stuff and then not want to even get engaged?? Its ludicris and I dont know why guys play these games. If he would have told me straight out from the begining that he doesnt want to get married, then i would have ended it sooner. But now, now i am 1.5 year in, my biological clock is ticking, and now i have to start from scratch again. I hate this.
There could be many reasons for his waiting, both good and bad. Some guys like to be more financially stable before getting married. Some guys don’t want to feel tied down either and the idea of being married may scare him. Maybe he feels like you will want kids right away and the way he stops you from having any children is by not getting married? He may need to do some growing up or he may want you to be surprised. If you stop asking he may do it sooner than if you keep nagging. Some guys don’t like feeling pushed into things. It’s like when you are walking a dog and suddenly the dog stops and wants to go the other way. The more you pull at the collar the more he tugs and tries to get out of the leash.
I have a friend who’s boyfriend did the same thing but she stuck with him and finally after being together for about five years they finally got married this year.
Weigh the good with the bad. Are you already living with him? If yes then maybe you should move out and just be a girlfriend instead of a live in girlfriend who feels like the housewife. Does he gain anything from being married? You said you want a diamond, that would be your gain so maybe he feels like that’s all you want to get married for?
Girls have a hard time figuring out men while men have a hard time figuring out woman. I’ve been married for almost four years, together for five and I still can’t figure out my husband at times.
I don’t know either of you though so this is obviously all speculation. Good luck to you! Do what you feel is best for you. Follow your heart.
i live with him so he has the milk for free. Why buy the cow? He says he wants to get married but he’s not ready, so he bought me a PROMISE ring (a 2K promise ring) that says that he PROMISES to marry me. HELLO, is that not what an engagement ring is!??! I dont think its fair for me to sit around and wait for him to be ready when i dont know if he ever will be. My clock is ticking and i am NOT wasting my life i KNOW hthere is a man out there who would kill to marry me.