meanone

so he is still gone. He says over and over how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me…but he’s not ready to get engaged to me. I even compromised and said I will have a long engagement. Its not good enough. He tells me I am giving him an ultimatum…well i kinda am. Either you propose to me, or you take your time, get ready and when you are ready you call me and hope i am available. He doesn’t like that option either.  I really dont know what else to do. The only thing he is telling me is that he’s not ready and i have to wait for him…indefinately? I said this is like me being a red crayon. The child wants to color with the red crayon, but not yet. “When do you want the red crayon?” asks the teacher. “I dont know” says the child. “Not now…but I know I want it”.  “Well why don’t you justtake it now if you want it?” says the teacher. “becuase I dont want it now, but I do want it” says the child.   So the child wants the red crayon..but not now. But until he does want it, he wants it to sit on the shelf and NO OTHER kids can use it.

That is not fair. This is now all about fairness.

so I had a huge fight with my boyfriend. I want to get engaged, he says hes ‘not ready’. He tells me he doesnt know WHEN he will be ready and he is doing nothing to prepare for it (ie. reading, talking to someone)…..so I am supposed to just sit around and WAIT for him to be ready? And hope that he becomes ready sometime soon???  No way. He wants me to continue to act like his wife, yet I get no reward like a diamond ring to tell the world that this man plans to marry me. No, instead i have to sit around and act like a married couple, yet still be single but NOT allowed to date others. What planet is he from??  He told me he would DIE for me. He tells me he does want to get married and have kids…just not now. How could you say all this stuff and then not want to even get engaged??  Its ludicris and I dont know why guys play these games. If he would have told me straight out from the begining that he doesnt want to get married, then i would have ended it sooner. But now, now i am 1.5 year in, my biological clock is ticking, and now i have to start from scratch again. I hate this.

So i waited one day…..to decorate for christmas. I really love Christmas, I love christmas music, and I love decorations. So today when i got home from the gym, i started in on it. I put garland across the stairs, and little red bows. Then I put a wreath up, and put out all my kitchen christmas supplies (dishrag, salt and pepper shakers).  So far so good. All I am missing now is the tree! I am not sure how soon you should get a christmas tree (we get a real one), but I think now is a good time. I can’t imagine it would die before christmas, right? (Thatst what I thought about our halloween pumpkins and they turned to mush before halloween!). Anyways, I also practically finished my christmas shopping. I did it all online. You will never catch me out and about from now until christmas- the stores are mobbed! Thank god for amazon!  By the way for all of you online shoppers, try not to pay for shipping! most companies have coupon codes that you can use to get free shipping, or even discounts on items. I usually just go to google and type “amazon code” or something like that, and sometimes you get lucky!

So today was thanksgiving. The day of eating TOO much.  First we started with breakfast. Omlets and bacon and big cinnamon rolls with icing.  Then dinner came….turkey, stuffing, squash, potatos….more food and more food. So much food that I took a little bit (like 2 tablespoons full) of each item.  Then after one plate, you want to have more, but you think that If you eat any more then your belly will hurt. Then come desserts. Cakes and pies and dessert salads….so you eat more….and then about 2 hours after you are done eating, a) you are tired (thanks to turkey), b), your belly hurts.  Of course this doesn’t happen until later when you are about ready to go to bed. Then you stay up all night with a belly ache. If only you didn’t eat so much.  Then you feel guilty and eat better and go to the gym the next day. I love thanksgiving.

so today is the day before thanksgiving, and it is also the #1 day to be at the bar. Apparently, today is the day that people visit the bar the most out of any day of the year.  I’ll admit it, I have had my fair share of pre thanksgiving bar trips, but this year is not going to be one of them. When i think back,  it was fun, but then when you really think about it, there are tons of drunk people driving around, tons of police out patrolling the area, tons of people getting in trouble, and tons of money going down the drain.  In my point of view, it is not even worth it anymore.  The other thing that I dont get is, don’t these people have to do things to prepare for thanksgiving? I mean, I am going to my boyfriends dads house for thanksgiving, so I dont have to make a huge turkey dinner, but I am in charge of bringing 2 side dishes and a cake for dessert. Besides making dinner tonight for me to eat, I have a lot of work to do! How does anyone get their food preparations done when they are too busy at the bar? And how does anyone enjoy thanksgiving with a hangover?? I guess this means I am old lol.

Everyone says that carbs are bad for you. Bread, pasta, anything white really, and then anything wheat as well if it is in bread form. I beg to differ. I don’t understand why carbs are so bad!  Apparently, when you are hungry you are supposed to eat protein. Protein will keep you full.  So I did an experiment. I tried doing a high protein day, eating things like hard boiled eggs, beef jerkey, protein bars (don’t worry, i still made sure i wasn’t eating too many calories). Pretty much I ate about every hour. It kept me going through the day, but like I just said, i got hungry an hour later- which makes no sense.  Then on another day, i tried carbs. I realized that if I eat a waffle for breakfast, I am full for HOURS.  And if i eat a bagel sandwich for lunch - i am not hungry till dinner! Yes eating carbs are higher in calories for the most part…but they make you NOT get as hungry! 

I love carbs, if it were up to me I’d eat bread and butter every day! I guess you have to have a balance though…so I will mix my carbs and my protein. You won’t ever find me on a no carb diet!

I was watching the early show this morning (as I always do) and couldnt help to wonder how these people travel so much?  During the last few weeks, they have gone on ‘destination unknown” where they were each picked to go somewhere in the world. It was all spur of the moment. They took one man to the arabian sea, they took another to paris, they took another to some other place i’ve never heard of. Basically, these news casters are always in a different area. I know most of them are married, and I think they all have kids as well. How do they do this? Just packing up and leaving your family for weeks at a time.  Doesn’t it bother them? or bother their kids?  Well maybe it takes a particular type of person to do this…it must because i could never do it!

So i was listening to my local radio station this morning. They were talking about Elliot Spitzers ‘last’ escort and how she will be on TV tonight. THen they got a call from a woman (locally) who said that her daughter is an escort (aka prostitute) in vegas and she is very proud of her. The DJ’s started laughing at her…..how can you be PROUD of your prostitute daughter!?!?  She said that her daughter makes tons of money, supports her, and supports the whole family. It is UNBELIEVEABLE!  How can you be proud that your daughter is going out and having sex with men for money?  People kept calling in to the radio station telling this lady that she must be mentally ill for thinking that. She was very adamant about her views on it, but to me, it just plan sick. From the sounds of it, she just likes the money.  Forget self esteem or pride.  Is this what our world comes down to?

So if anyone has watched the news lately, there is the 8 year old boy who shot his father all over it. Apparently, he shot his father and his fathers friend one night and is now in police custody.  The police did an interrogation with this boy- no lawyers present, no rights read, nothing. The boy ended up confessing by saying “I think i might have shot him” over and over.   I don’t know the facts about this case, so I don’t know if they have pure evidence that he did indeed kill these people, but I feel an interrogation was unneccesary. Listening to the boy is so sad. The policy pretty much will make you say anything (even if its not true) and this 8 year old probably has no idea what is even going on. I am not saying that an 8 year old should be able to kill people, but I think that they way the system goes about convicting, is wrong.  Frankly, I don’t know what the right answer is, but I do know, is that sometimes people (minors usually) end up confessing to things that they might not have even done- and then they get to spend years in jail- until the truth comes out.

Everyone sees it. The economy has went down the drain. Prices went up, jobs got cut, and credit cards are maxed.  So far, we have all been able to ’stand’ what is going on, but it comes to a point where we get frustrated.  I got frustrated the other day when I learned that my job is now in jeapordy. Of course I am in the mortgage business, which is the #1 industry you do NOT want to be in. Every day I get a phone call from someone that I have worked with (In the 5 years Ive been with this company), who is now being laid off. I’m not even kidding. Yesterday a whole lender shut down. And then another one laid off 30 more employees!

This just in: Another lender just shut down and is laying off 1200 employees.

This is so sad. The only thing I can say, is I am going to start ignoring all the bad news that I hear. I am going to keep the faith. I am going to have HOPE that this economy will fix itself, and that everyone will be just fine. If everyone thought that way, the world might be a better place.